What to Say When You Want to Be Honest — Without People-Pleasing

Why is it so hard to be honest — even with the people we care about most?

We downplay our feelings.
Say yes when we mean no.
Laugh along when we actually disagree.

Not because we’re dishonest, but because we’ve been conditioned to keep the peace, smooth things over, or avoid being “too much.”

But here’s the truth:
When you speak just to avoid tension, you abandon yourself.
And over time, that takes a toll.

Life lately and why this theme matters right now

Last Friday, my husband and I moved into our new home.

And for the first time, I allowed myself to receive help — fully.
We hired movers here in Dubai, and it made everything so much smoother.
(Back in Toronto, this kind of support felt like a luxury — something I might have hesitated to ask for.)

That simple act reminded me:
Letting people support you is a form of honesty too.
It’s saying, “I can’t carry this alone.”

And for recovering people-pleasers? That’s a huge step.

People-pleasing vs. protecting your peace

What we call “being nice” is often a fear of disappointing others.

But here’s the cost:
When we ignore our truth to protect someone else’s comfort, we silently build resentment — toward them and ourselves.

Honest communication is a skill.
You can practice it — with kindness, care, and confidence.

3 ways to be honest — without guilt

Here are 3 phrases I often teach my clients (and use myself):

At work:
Instead of: “Sure, I’ll take care of it.”
Try: “I’d love to help — but I’m at capacity right now.”

With a partner or friend:
Instead of: “It’s fine, I’m just being sensitive.”
Try: “That actually hurt — can we talk about it?”

In social settings:
Instead of: “Haha yeah, I totally agree.”
Try: “Hmm, I actually see it a bit differently — can I share?”

These aren’t rude. They’re clear.
Because being honest doesn’t make you difficult.
It makes you trustworthy.

Final thoughts

Whether you’re navigating a conversation at work, with a friend, or in your family — you deserve to express yourself without guilt.

And if that still feels scary, just know:
You can be honest and kind at the same time.

That’s what emotionally intelligent communication looks like.
And that’s what I teach.

Coming Up This Week:

📍 July 22: I’m leading “The Power of Staying Calm in Conflict” for the Women Who Thrive community
📥 Grab my free toolkit: Calm in Conflict Toolkit
🎥 Follow along on Instagram (@iamjanarajeh) for Friday’s new video: What to Say When You Want to Be Honest Without People-Pleasing